can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
