I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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