Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Four minutes until I can fart!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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