he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize