I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
