My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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