I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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