i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
