I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize