I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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