Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
