is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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