My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
