I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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