i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
zippers are such a cool invention
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
