I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
