May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
