You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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