I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
