half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
