just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You ate ashes out of my bong
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
