I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
