I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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