Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
