He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
