the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
