Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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