I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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