Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
