She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
