I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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