Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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