I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
