I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
