the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
