so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he shaved USA in his pubs
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
