I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
