He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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