she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
