I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize