I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
