What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
