the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
