I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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