You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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