shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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