i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
