This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish my penis had a tongue
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize