Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
