I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize