Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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