I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
