i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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