Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
