god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
