So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
