I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
