Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
