I just pynch a tree in the face
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
