she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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