good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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