I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
