i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
