I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I deserve this hangover.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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