I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
