I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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