we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
