Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
