I hate your face
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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