we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
