he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
