Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
