just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize