Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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