i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
