He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
