16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize