Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
