Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
