i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
