I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
