just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
