My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
