it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
