Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
