at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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