I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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