haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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