he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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