The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
