I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
