she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
