Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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