just tell him i said nine months
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
