i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
