CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
