If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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