i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
