i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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