I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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