did you get engaged???
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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