found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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