Already got asked if we're dating
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize