his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
