Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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