just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
