So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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