The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
