mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
