his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
