Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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