i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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