She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
